This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize