I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
