We named our party play list daddy issues
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
