Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
