ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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