And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
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Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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