to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
