my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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