and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
