I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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