i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
