But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Are we still banned from the library?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
