Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the condom got lost in my hair
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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