life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
