oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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