what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
