so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
