a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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