She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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