She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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