There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
