hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
