I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
