she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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