No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
