my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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