I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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