oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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