I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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