Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
