I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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