On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
