i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
