He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
