Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She is in my trunk
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it glows. i had to have it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
