The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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