ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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