What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
