real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
two words: eviction party
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
