my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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