I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize