When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
