how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
