Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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