Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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