Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
