Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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