her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
