how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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