fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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