apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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