So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i came on her dog
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
