boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
