My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
