Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
