sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i came on her dog
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
