the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
