I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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