Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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