Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
