a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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