they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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