found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
third nipple confirmed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
