I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
