im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
