i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
