So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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