oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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