I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
