the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
