Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
