you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
