If i come over, it means nothing
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
