I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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