What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
