I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
