so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
