The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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