how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
