Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
