I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
