And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
